Babies...

Chary has turned into a smiley, funny and very happy little babe. She's definitely attached to me and when the worker brought her home from her visit today she threw out her arms and exclaimed "Mommeee!" The worker was surprised, she hadn't seen her act that way before. She is a fantastic little baby and loves her big sister, "Yay-ya". Tonight after all four kiddos were bathed, lotioned, combed, jammied and (teeth)brushed. And after Chary was in bed.....we had a sweet moment. All three of the big kids were laying on their pillow pets, watching 10 minutes of tv before bed. They were adorable for the whole minute they all stayed put :) It's impossible not to love them all!

We're still here!

Things are still a bit rough here, but we're keeping our heads above water. Aezy, the 4 year old boy is quite troubled. He has alot of self-harming behaviors and is somewhat aggressive to us as well. He has been ordered for a psychological evaluation and is also moving into an intensivist home in the next week or so. We're hoping that he can be medicated, stabilized and transitioned back fairly quickly(6-8 weeks). If not, he'll probably end up staying in a one on one environment. As much as this breaks my heart, it's his only chance for recovery from the trauma he's endured. It's more important that he gets what he needs and is able to develop into a typically functioning child.

We have 15 hours a week with a behavior therapist in our home along with some other support services. My mom has cooked for us a couple of times and Darren's co workers are providing dinner once a week. It's crazy how much that helps!! Our family and friends have been great to us and as I said before, We're at least keeping our heads above water. We are plan on getting back to church this weekend, I really need to be there. We all do.

I highly suspect that Dailon will act out some when Aezy leaves, but he'll be okay too. It's amazing how much we already loves these three little people.

Ayla has been struggling some too. It's hard for her to see all of the behaviors from the boys, not to mention the amount of time we have to spend redirecting and giving consequences to them. It's been very helpful to spend one on one time with her when we can. She's also greatly benefited from spending time with my parents and other friends/family to get a little break from the chaos that is our home. All of that said, everyone IS okay. We are all adjusting and in time will be just fine.

Please continue to pray, not only for us but for these amazing little people in our home as well. As we all know, God is good and He is looking out for us all.

What's it like??

What is it like to be a foster mom, a foster dad, a foster sister....a foster family? If I could pick only five words, I would say it's crazy, hard, learning, understanding and work. Imagine if you would, being a small family of three. Dinner is fairly quiet and you can actually taste and digest your food, there is time for play, learning, talking to your spouse, snuggling, grocery shopping, cooking, living.

Add foster kids....and there isn't time to talk, eat, do laundry or make dinner without some type of major crisis. The foster kids are fighting with each other, hitting themselves, banging their heads on the walls, turning lights on and off, emptying closets and tearing apart whatever they can get their hands on. What have you done by allowing these monsters into your home?

If you're a foster kid, you've already been displaced from your home. You go to school or daycare everyday and "Mama someone" picks you up, feeds you and puts you to bed. You lay in bed at night feeling insecure and wondering whatever went wrong. You wonder if you caused it and if some how, you can fix it. Once a week you see your mom and dad but you're just so angry with them that it's hard to enjoy the time.

So, on Friday you go to school as usual. The transportation worker picks you up for your visit with mom and dad. It's about the same. You act wild, run around and scream because it's easier than letting them love you...because you have to leave soon, and that hurts.

On this Friday however, the transportation worker seems to be confused. Where is she driving? It's late now. After 8:30pm and we pull into a different house. The house is warm but smells different than your other homes. There is a mom, a dad a big sister and pets. They seem nice enough but you don't even know them. They put you in pajamas that aren't yours, lay you in a bed you've never been in and say "goodnight".

You're terrified. You're angry. You wonder who is responsible for this and why they would do it to you, again. Nobody understands why you cry and scream and throw fits with or without reason. You aren't bonded to anyone. That's even more terrifying because you're only four or three or eighteen months. Isn't someone supposed to love you and let you love them back? Isn't someone suppose to stay? Forever. There is no way you'll let them love you, not today anyway. Not tomorrow either. You continue to act out because you know they'll send you away too. But maybe, just maybe they won't. That's what you hope for, deep down anyway.

The days go by. It's been a week. They hold you when you scream and cry and try to hurt yourself. They tell you they love you when you try to hurt them. Once in awhile, you find yourself hugging them while they read to you or laughing with them because they're funny and they like to play with you.

As a foster parent you worry that your home has become volatile. That you aren't spending enough time with your daughter or your husband or your wife. You cry because you get overwhelmed and because your heart breaks for what these kids have endured. You understand why they are the way that they are. You have faith that they'll be healed. You know that love and stability and patience and God will make your home happy and full despite what has to be worked through. You don't want to be the next people who have given up on these children, who've never even been given a chance.

You find time to talk your spouse and you agree that you're in this fully. That there is no giving up on children. That they deserve the chance. That they need to know God, and that they will know Him, through you.

You find that your daughter is doing just fine and that she is wise beyond her years. When one of the boys is in the middle of a meltdown she casually says "I think he really misses his mom". She tells them that she loves them and prays for them at night. She's bummed when she gets home from school and the boys aren't home yet. She loves them and wants them despite it being hard. Her teachers tells you that she is continuing to do well, as usual. She is learning empathy and is teaching love. You couldn't be more proud.

You put the boys to bed first, just so you can snuggle and read and teach and love your only birth child. It works. She's still happy.

It has been so, so much harder than we ever imagined. Our emotions are raw and we are constantly moving with these kids. There is NO down time with them. We know that there will be. They need to trust us, they will love us, they will be okay. And we'll be okay.

Because of them we'll be better than okay.

This is Dailon(Day-lawn). He's three. He is funny and very smart. He has an infectious personality. He loves the dogs and is Ayla's buddy. They play together a lot. This is Aision(Aye-shawn). He goes by Aezy(Aye-zee). He is four. He also loves the dogs. He is very smart but has some minor physical delays along with speech delays. He is getting therapy for both.
Ayla is THRIVING in big-sister world. She loves them and watches out for them(and tattles on them)


Just because she's so darn sweet. And cute. And I love her.


This is Chariyona(Shar-ee-aw-na). She goes by Chary(Shar-ee). She is 18 months old. She is feisty and can take her brothers down. Easily. She gives lots of hugs. Her favorite playtime activities are playing in the toilet and the dog's water bowl.

Thank you for loving us. For supporting us. For getting us through this. Thank you for reminding us that God is here with us and that He is a BIG GOD.

Our family

It's grown. Quickly. We welcomed three foster children into our home today. Three beautiful, amazing children who have really been given a bad hand in the 'deck of cards' of life. They've had it rougher than any person should. It makes me sad for them. And happy for us, that they're here. It makes infertility seem like a problem that doesn't really matter at all. I look into the eyes of these small people and see love. After knowing us for a couple of hours, they have begun to call us "Mommy" and "Daddy". Of course that is wonderful to hear but it's sad to think that they'll just call anyone that, like it's a meaning-less name that refers to any adult who happens to be caring for them at the moment.

Ayla is in love with them, completely. She ADORES the fact that she is a "Big Sister" The kids seem to really love her too. They call her Sister Yay-la. There are three kids. Big guy turned four a couple of weeks ago. Little guy turned three in December and baby girl is 18 months(she turns two the same month that Livi does!).

The dynamics of our home have changed in an instant. It's hard. Bathtime and pj's were a huge fiasco. It was kind of funny, really. Darren and I kept looking at each other like 'What are we doing?!?!?!?!" It will calm down and if it doesn't, I guess we'll just get familiar with the chaos :)

Tonight, baby girl went down without a peep. The boys took longer but eventually zonked out holding onto paper hearts that Ayla cut out and colored for them. It melts me heart....

Anyway, I am unable to post their names/photos or personal information online. However, if I password protect my blog, I can. And I will. They are our family and BELONG in our blog. After tonight my blog will have a password for access. I will email the code out for those who I think follow, if I don't please email me. I'll send you the password.

Our funny girl

This weekend Ayla made a little visit to Urgent Care, for a case of bronchiolitis. Albuterol nebulizer treatments as needed and she's good as new. She's funny though, it's obvious she comes from a medical family. At her visit when the doc asked what brought us in(he was talking to us, not Ayla), Ayla blurts out "Oh, I'm just wheezing again, even after my fog" very matter of fact. He laughed. We all did.

She had an xray of her chest and told the tech "I'm pretty nervous about this." She then took off out of the room and ran down the hall. I brought her back. I shut the door this time. When it was said and done she was very proud of herself.

This morning Ayla noticed that Fella had chewed a few of the feathers off of a pair of her dress up shoes. So I hear her talking to him. "Listen boy, this isn't good. You don't chew on feathers, they come from birds, but not real ones. Birds are not hot pink. I know I left them on the floor but I'm only 4, I don't always pick up my toys" It was so funny. He just sat there and stared at her as if he were considering he thoughts.

We're being teased.....

As you all know, we suffer from secondary infertility. We've gone as far as ivf and fet's to no avail. We've decided to grow our family in another way. We've always known we would do foster care and adoption, even before we knew of our fertility issues. Didn't exactly know when but God has shown us that the time is now.

We were officially licensed for adoption through foster care as of Jan 12,2011. We'd like sibling set of up to three kids in the newborn-4 year age range. Well, we got a call that very day about what sounded like a great match. Three boys - 12 days old, 18 months and a newly three year old. Sure, it would have been big ole houseful but we're ready for tha challenge! Anyway, the next day they let us know that they found placement closer to their original home(in Lincoln about 40+) miles away from us. Bummer.

We got another call yesterday afternoon for 3 boys - a 4 year old and 3 year old twins. Darren and I decide that they might be a little hard for Ayla to adjust to. Three wild boys all about her size would most likely intimidate her. So we passed on those sweet little guys.

We're hoping for another call soon. You know the phrase "Hurry up and wait!"

We've been doing lots of praying about this and we're certain that the right children will find us. We ask for your prayers that we are able to make good decisions for our family and follow God's will. I know He will show us the way...

A note from Ayla's teacher

Ayla and family -

I love having Ayla in class. Watching her grow and progress from last year to this has been great. She is smart, funny, polite and exactly what every teacher wants. You are a wonderful family that I have so enjoyed getting to know. You have raised a terrific girl, who will only do wonderfully great things. You should be very proud of Ayla and yourselves for nurturing such a great kid.

Love,

Miss Darcy

This was attached to a thank you note I received from Ayla's preschool teacher(for a Christmas gift). It made tears well up in my eyes, Darren's too. It's such an amazing feeling to know that other people in ths world see our little girl the way we do.