Today was hard. Bad news - Aision left. He may actually be back on Monday and Tuesday but everything is still up in the air as of yet. My mind knows that this is good for him, his only chance , really. My heart hurts, I miss him. I wish he could be here. Good news - he will be living with his teacher from his therapy/school. He is already well bonded with her and she definitely knows him. This will not be a huge traumatic move into another home he doesn't know. I thank God for that.
Moving to his teacher's home came up very suddenly. She was here last weekend and I commented on how bonded he was to her and how encouraging it was to see their relationship. She said that she'd love to have him and even thought of it previously but wasn't licensed for foster care. Weeeeell, that doesn't really matter much in Nebraska. They're doing what is called a "child specific placement" in which she doesn't have to be licensed but does need some background checks/home study etc. I don't think she'll be okayed until Wednesday(which is why we may have him back on Mon/Tues). He is at her home for the weekend right now, under respite care.
I wish there was a way to explain how all of this feels. It sounds crazy(even to me) that you can fall completely in love with children who aren't even yours...in a week or a month. It's only been one month. Sigh.
Things feel empty here but ironically, things are normal. We can function with the kids we have in our home. We can go to stores, even restaurants. We don't have a community worker in our home assisting us with what should be basics....dinner/bath/bedtime. I got my hair done and brows waxed today! I was starting to look like a man, really.
And yet, I miss him. When I tucked the kids in tonight, I thought about the smell of his sweet soft curls and how when he's tired and laying down, he's the cutest, sweetest boy ever. I know this is what he needs. It's what is in HIS best interest. It's what is in his siblings best interest. And still, I feel sad...and guilty. Like I failed him in some way.
I took some pics of the kids tonight...Ayla and Dailon get along so well. They're adorable together. They also pick on each other, fight over toys and tattle all.day.long. They are most definitely comfortable in their brother/sister relationship.
This one is blurry because Chariyana wouldn't sit, even for 10 seconds. You get the idea though.
Please pray for Aezy, and for us too. I hope and pray that he gets what he needs and is able to grow, develop and build relationships and trust. I pray that he stabilizes and becomes safe, both to himself and others. I pray that Dailon especially, does okay without his big brother. He's never been without him, despite all they've been through.
2 comments:
You guys are doing a great job. We hope Aezy gets the kind of help he needs, so the kids can be together. Your beginning to look like a man may have been a bit far-fetched! Good luck.
Mom and Dad S.
Sending my love, prayers and healing thoughts your way. I love those kiddos and I've only seen photos! Not only for what they have been through...but for who they will become in your home. You must rest in the peace and knowledge that He is in charge..and He has plans for each of us that we simply don't always understand. Focus on the amazing work you are doing in your home...and trust that Aezy is being cared for in a loving home with his true needs being met. This is his chance in life...as you stated. I am so proud of the work you have done in the past month...and the work you will continue to do throughout the YEARS! And I am amazed at how you can put your own heart aside as you release Aezy to his teacher...I can't imagine the pain. You are my inspiration and the reason I haven't given up hope that my dream of fostering/adopting can come true as well. Keep your head up...especially now that you've gotten a fresh wax!! :) Thanks for sharing your story so openly and honestly...
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