Guilty feeling mamma!

I'm exhausted and drained tonight. Ayla is sick, yet again! Until September, she'd had a couple of colds and occasional teething issues but was never really all that sick. Well, she started Mother's Day Out in September - just one day a week. It now seems that every two weeks she has a fever and some random illness.

She had a runny nose for pretty much all of November(after having a couple of colds in October). When she developed a cough at the beginning of December, I knew it was croup, so I took her in. I felt like a crappy mommy that day because she had an ear infection(first ever), sinus infection and croup. I guess that's what I get for being a nurse...the old "Aw, she'll be fine!" They loaded her up with steroids and antibiotics. Ten days later, still sick. They called in a stronger antibiotic and she seemed to be better. A couple of days after stopping the antibiotics she spiked a temp again so we went to Pediatric Express b/c the peds office was closed for New Years. Dignosis...virus. Crap.

Fast forward to Tuesday of this week. Darren and I had a dinner to attend so Ayla stayed with my parents. She spiked a temp over there and has had it ever since. She needed to go for a one month follow up for her ear, so I figured 'no time like the present'. Her ears are clear, pus pockets in the throat, runny nose. They ran a rapid strep on her and it came back negative. They are running the 24 hour culture too. Then he gave me a urinary collection kit. If she still has the fever tomorrow afternoon(will have been 24 hours which is normal virus fever length), I'll take in a sample to check for UTI.

I HATE this!!! I know it's from MDO. I feel badly because she doesn't HAVE to go. I'm not working/volunteering/doing community service etc....I am going to the gym, shopping and getting pedicures! All the while, my child is contracting every virus and bacterial infection known to man. Which leads me to another question...why do they have to call it Mother's Day Out?? Why can't they call it Kid's Day Out? That really just adds to the guilt, like I am dumping off my kid to go 'live it up' for awhile.

*****I do fully admit to the fact that I have come to love Tuesdays and my freedom for those 5 hours*****

I put her in MDO for a reason. I wanted her to be in a social environment, to be a "part" of a group that wasn't just us, to learn to be comfortable and happy even without me there, to share, to respect the authority of her teacher, to follow a schedule that wasn't the same as home. She's doing all of those things and loves it. It's one day a week and she has a great time, but is it worth all of this crap too?

Her ped told me today not to feel guilty, that it's good for her(which I know). He basically said that if I keep her 'sheltered' from these situations, it'll happen when she goes to kindergarten or whenever I eventually let her out of my house!

It still makes me sad. My heart breaks for her, today her temp was 104* and she was shivering with chills. I was holding her and cuddling her and she looked up at me with watery eyes(from being sick) and said "Love you mama". She's getting Tylenol and Motrin but her temp hasn't dropped lower than 102* since yesterday around noon.

Anyway, off to bed for me. I'm pretty sure I'm so tired now that I just keep rambling. Keep our kiddo in your thoughts....I really hope she's feeling better tomorrow.