I was reading back on our blog tonight. I cried when I reread the words I had written during the kid's first months here. It brought back the feelings from those days, I had almost forgotten that it was ever that hard. How we questioned whether we were cut out for this and if we were damaging our family of three. We made a promise to our foster children and we held or chins up and marched on.

It has been 7 months since Chary and Dailon showed up on our doorstep. They were dirty, unkempt and wearing tattered clothes that were too small. They were both behind in speech and basic life skills. Their behavior was awful. They lacked social skills...no stranger danger, no boundaries, no understanding of a family unit. Dailon was self harming, swearing, aggressive and not potty trained. They had never been in a Target or a restaurant. They had never been to church.

Today Chary and Dailon are caught up, happy, socialized typical functioning 2 and 3 1/2 year olds. They are very much a part of our family. In 7 months, we have grown to love them as we would had they been born into our family. They are very much Darren and I's son and daughter. They are very much Ayla's siblings. That gets tricky though, because they aren't really ours. There are no promises. They may not be here forever. That is a horrifying thought to me.

At his visits, with his biomom and biodad, Dailon often asks the visitation worker if he can go "home". He refers to us as his real family. He often asks us if this is his home and if he'll get to sleep in his bed forever. It is heartbreaking not to know how to answer him. We promise him that we will always love him, always have a place for him and that his bed will always be here....basically, we skirt the question all together.

If their parents were capable of raising them, keeping them safe and providing them with what they need to become contributing members of society then we would support them returning. They deserve to be with their family if they are able to care for them. I don't see it happening though. Their parents love them, really love them. I see it in their eyes, I hear it in their voices. It makes me sad for them, they're missing so much and these kids are amazing. Amazing.

They will have been in care for two years next month. That is Chary's entire life. That is more than half of Dailon's life. THAT is not fair. These beautiful babies need permanency. Somewhere. Now.

Our next court date is September 8th. It's a review of the case and dad's deposition. It's a pretty big deal, we're at the two year mark and we should get some feeling from the judge as to which way he thinks this case is going. I pray that whatever is in the best interest of the kiddos is what plays out.

The fourth of July

We explained the 4th to the kids this year. Very generically and kid friendly of course. I loved that Ayla brought it up through out the day. "Mom, we're free to love God and vote"(followed by whats 'vote' mean?) or "Mom, very brave soldiers fought for us to be our own country" Of course she has no understanding of how big that really is, but she knows. And that makes me smile. Dailon thought it was fun to run around screaming "We're freeeeeeeeeee!" and each time he spotted a flag he exclaimed "There it is! That's AMERICAAAA!"

I'm pretty sure Chary just loved that there was food. Over the 2 days that we celebrated the holiday, she had to have eaten 3000 calories. My goodness, she can eat! When she didn't have food of her own she was scoping out what everyone else had and would casually walk up, batting her eyelashes and smiling. "Bite please" When that didn't work she pointed and tried her standby "Uh, Uh, uh, uh" Either way, she got plenty.

Dailon loves babies, he really loves Tenley and Kamden.





Even at 3 1/2, he's looking at her like 'Seriously? You can't just smile like a normal, non-princess kind of kid?'

My mom and dad's neighborhood had a great party on Monday. They had a parade, face painting, dunk tank, dinner, music, and fireworks. We had a really nice time with them. It's funny but at 34, I still like being with my parents, at their house - there is some sense of
everything being just as it should be. My heart melts watching them with our kids. My dad still calls me "pumpkin" once in awhile. It's nice to be close by and be able to spend time with them.

Checking out her face paint and glittery hair

All three of them tried out sparklers. Ayla wanted to do them all night. Dailon was a bit leary but eventually warmed up and did okay. Chary who is fearless in every way, almost lit me on fire at least 5 different times inthe 2 minutes i took to burn her 36" sparkler. I was more than happy to let Darren take over "Chary duty" so that I could snap a few pictures

Baseball

Ayla liked baseball. She'll definitely do it again next season with one small change. We'll sign her up for MAA softball rather than baseball. She wants some girls on her team!! After the game the coaches handed out trophies...Ayla LOVES trophies. She now has her dance trophy and her baseball trophy displayed together on her dresser.

Random cuteness

Ayla was giving her doll a bath today in her old tub from when she was a baby. Well, without real water or soap. After awhile she shouted out from the living room "Hey Mom, I still fit!" She such a goofball. Chary has recently started sitting on the potty. She hasn't actually gone yet, but she talks about it and likes to practice. She also likes to read. One time she was sitting on the potty and while trying to go, she tooted. She looked alarmed and yelled "OH! POOP!"
Ayla had a princess feast the other day. She made sure to feed Ariel, Aurora, Belle and Rapunzel based on what they "ordered" from her.

These are Ayla photographs. Almost every time I upload pictures to the computer, I find pictures that she has snuck off and taken. I decided post a few, they totally crack me up.

The soap in her bathroom

A close up of one of the pillows on her bed

A close up of her with what appears to be a really large nose.Things are going well for us. Dailon is staying home from school on Wednesdays so that he can do fun summer activities with us. So far we've been to the zoo, the pool and enjoyed a picnic at the park. He enjoys being home and being a apart of the action and the girls love having him around.

C&D's case is big mess right now. Goal is still listed as reunification with bio parents but you-know-what has been hitting the fan lately. They don't want the kids to go on vacation with us in July, they'd rather they go to respite(a stranger's home, who is licensed with the state) than go with us. Definitely NOT in the best interest of the kids however that doesn't seem to matter to them, ever. The kids have come so far in building trust and improving behaviors. It would send them into a downward spiral to move them for a week. Now it is in the hands of the courts so we take a deep breath and pray that whatever happens is God's will and all will turn out the way that is supposed to.

It's feeling like summer...

It seems that "spring" may have passed us by this year. It pretty much went from cold to hot. The whole last week was full of 100* days! The bad in that is that all of my new plants and flowers are not very happy about the weather despite the fact that they are being watered generously. Our kids are also being watered generously....they're much happier about it though.

Ayla is in level two swimming lessons and is doing great. She jumps into the deep water by herself and doggy paddles to the side. She swims with her face in the water(see below) and just loves the water. Chary and Dailon are obssessed with the pool. They hadn't ever been in a pooland didn't even know what a pool was until a few weeks ago.

A little balancing beam action on her pool break

She's always serious about food. Even more so when it's a special sweet treat.

Hooray for summer weather!

Preschool Graduation

My baby is going to be 5 in a few months. Five. How does that happen? How do they grow so fast? I really don't get it. It seems crazy to me that you can bring home a not-quite 5 pound baby and then they turn two and then they're almost 5. That fast. Sigh.

Ayla misses the birthday cut off of October 15th so she will be starting kindergarten next year, when she's almost 6. I'm glad, we would have waited anyway. We coul dhave had her take a test and start K early but we're just not interested. She's a very smart little girl but we really feel like having that extra year will be a good thing for her. Especially when she's 12(boys!) or 16(driving!) or 18(college!).

Now we say good-bye to Imagine and Explore Preschool and good-bye to Miss Darcy. We LOVE Miss Darcy, no way could we have asked for a better teacher and we were lucky enough to have her for TWO years! I hope that we are lucky enough to have her again someday... Ayla's BFF, Caleb, also graduated from I&E. He's going to kindergarten in the fall.

Picture with Gigi

My mom got her an ice cream cake for a celebratory dessert, Ayla was quite proud of her cake

In the fall, Ayla will be off to 5 day a week Pre-K at the Millard Education Foundation's early childhood center. Just in the afternoon.

Zoo

Cousin Lindsey was in town this week. Yesterday we met family at the zoo to spend the afternoon in the sun, soaking up all of the fun at the Henry Doorly Zoo. Dailon was a little bit afraid of the peacock, but much braver with a big buff Jared holding his hand

Carousel is always a big hit!

From left: Lexi, Grant, Jared & Chary. Front: Allison and Ayla

Riding on the tram(we couldn't take the wagon on the train, big bummer! This was the next best thing.

Excited

Riding nicely

Fist bump!

Family photo op