I was reading back on our blog tonight. I cried when I reread the words I had written during the kid's first months here. It brought back the feelings from those days, I had almost forgotten that it was ever that hard. How we questioned whether we were cut out for this and if we were damaging our family of three. We made a promise to our foster children and we held or chins up and marched on.

It has been 7 months since Chary and Dailon showed up on our doorstep. They were dirty, unkempt and wearing tattered clothes that were too small. They were both behind in speech and basic life skills. Their behavior was awful. They lacked social skills...no stranger danger, no boundaries, no understanding of a family unit. Dailon was self harming, swearing, aggressive and not potty trained. They had never been in a Target or a restaurant. They had never been to church.

Today Chary and Dailon are caught up, happy, socialized typical functioning 2 and 3 1/2 year olds. They are very much a part of our family. In 7 months, we have grown to love them as we would had they been born into our family. They are very much Darren and I's son and daughter. They are very much Ayla's siblings. That gets tricky though, because they aren't really ours. There are no promises. They may not be here forever. That is a horrifying thought to me.

At his visits, with his biomom and biodad, Dailon often asks the visitation worker if he can go "home". He refers to us as his real family. He often asks us if this is his home and if he'll get to sleep in his bed forever. It is heartbreaking not to know how to answer him. We promise him that we will always love him, always have a place for him and that his bed will always be here....basically, we skirt the question all together.

If their parents were capable of raising them, keeping them safe and providing them with what they need to become contributing members of society then we would support them returning. They deserve to be with their family if they are able to care for them. I don't see it happening though. Their parents love them, really love them. I see it in their eyes, I hear it in their voices. It makes me sad for them, they're missing so much and these kids are amazing. Amazing.

They will have been in care for two years next month. That is Chary's entire life. That is more than half of Dailon's life. THAT is not fair. These beautiful babies need permanency. Somewhere. Now.

Our next court date is September 8th. It's a review of the case and dad's deposition. It's a pretty big deal, we're at the two year mark and we should get some feeling from the judge as to which way he thinks this case is going. I pray that whatever is in the best interest of the kiddos is what plays out.