Today was hard. Bad news - Aision left. He may actually be back on Monday and Tuesday but everything is still up in the air as of yet. My mind knows that this is good for him, his only chance , really. My heart hurts, I miss him. I wish he could be here. Good news - he will be living with his teacher from his therapy/school. He is already well bonded with her and she definitely knows him. This will not be a huge traumatic move into another home he doesn't know. I thank God for that.
Moving to his teacher's home came up very suddenly. She was here last weekend and I commented on how bonded he was to her and how encouraging it was to see their relationship. She said that she'd love to have him and even thought of it previously but wasn't licensed for foster care. Weeeeell, that doesn't really matter much in Nebraska. They're doing what is called a "child specific placement" in which she doesn't have to be licensed but does need some background checks/home study etc. I don't think she'll be okayed until Wednesday(which is why we may have him back on Mon/Tues). He is at her home for the weekend right now, under respite care.
I wish there was a way to explain how all of this feels. It sounds crazy(even to me) that you can fall completely in love with children who aren't even yours...in a week or a month. It's only been one month. Sigh.
Things feel empty here but ironically, things are normal. We can function with the kids we have in our home. We can go to stores, even restaurants. We don't have a community worker in our home assisting us with what should be basics....dinner/bath/bedtime. I got my hair done and brows waxed today! I was starting to look like a man, really.
And yet, I miss him. When I tucked the kids in tonight, I thought about the smell of his sweet soft curls and how when he's tired and laying down, he's the cutest, sweetest boy ever. I know this is what he needs. It's what is in HIS best interest. It's what is in his siblings best interest. And still, I feel sad...and guilty. Like I failed him in some way.
I took some pics of the kids tonight...Ayla and Dailon get along so well. They're adorable together. They also pick on each other, fight over toys and tattle all.day.long. They are most definitely comfortable in their brother/sister relationship.
This one is blurry because Chariyana wouldn't sit, even for 10 seconds. You get the idea though.
Please pray for Aezy, and for us too. I hope and pray that he gets what he needs and is able to grow, develop and build relationships and trust. I pray that he stabilizes and becomes safe, both to himself and others. I pray that Dailon especially, does okay without his big brother. He's never been without him, despite all they've been through.
The kiddos in the jungle
Sea Turtle!!
She actually stood up and exclaimed "CHEESE!" when I walked back in with the camera. She had been sitting chest deep in the water. Needless to say, we dried off AGAIN, lotioned AGAIN, jammied AGAIN all the while she was screaming, rolling around and kicking because she wanted to be back in the "baff". I really wonder what the social worker was writing on her clipboard that night...
This one is blurry because Chariyana wouldn't sit, even for 10 seconds. You get the idea though.
Please pray for Aezy, and for us too. I hope and pray that he gets what he needs and is able to grow, develop and build relationships and trust. I pray that he stabilizes and becomes safe, both to himself and others. I pray that Dailon especially, does okay without his big brother. He's never been without him, despite all they've been through.
Ayla
Hugs
Smiling babies
